Loving Listener

Since I began my residency as a hospital chaplain I've found it difficult to describe to folks just what a chaplain does. I've abandoned almost all efforts at describing the whole program of CPE, but I can still make attempts to convey what mysterious endevors we chaplain kind get into.

It's not easy though. Some people think we visit patients in the hospital to try and convert them. This couldn't be more wrong and is often a place of humor around the office. Others seem to think we simply pat sweet old ladies on the back saying, "there there." Though this does happen from time to time (minus the "there there") it's not representative of what a chaplain does.

Officially, chaplains tend to the emotional and spiritual needs of people in the hospital. But while this definition is somewhat telling, it is also vague.

At a meeting with some residents from another program, I came across a concept from theologian Paul Tillich called the "Loving Listener" which does as good a job as any describing what chaplains are after. Our handout reads, "A loving listener is one who will listen to our story without judging or giving advice. The loving listener listens with empathy, understanding and concern. A loving listern is one who will encourage us to pour out our feelings until they can be released and healing occures" (Lemons, Stephen A., The Five Tasks of Successful Grieving).

He went on to point out that everyone, ever person, needs a loving listener in his or her life. We need someone to whom we can spill our emotional and spiritual guts who will be non-judgmental and not try to fix our problems. Anyone who's done any kind of therapy (professional or otherwise) knows it's helpful to just get things off our chest. A loving listener can provide a safe space to do just that.

As chaplains, this is what we are trained to do, and sometimes we have to draw it out of people. Again, this is not a complete job description of what chaplains do; however, it is one of the profound and meaningful ways that we interact with other "living human documents."

I hope you have a loving listener in your life. If not, I hope you can find one, someone to unload your troubles onto. This will allow you to feel your own experience instead of suppress it, and that's healthy.

A helpful Chinese proverb reads, "Suppression leads to momentary relif and permanent pain. Feeling your expereince leads to momentary pain and permanent relief."