The Truth about Chuck Norris

For Christmas my wife gave me a book. 'Tis a good book. A funny book. I have since read this book cover to cover, and I can safely say that it is one of my favorite books.


The Truth about Chuck Norris: 400 Facts About the World's Greatest Human was written by Ian Spector when he was a nerdy college student. Launching a website which produced a random fact generator that spit out thousands of Chuck Norris jokes, Mr. Spector's site quickly averaged over 20 million hits a month. I'm sure that number has gone up since 2007 when the book was published.


So, what is the Chuck Norris phenomenon? How did it get started? I can't venture to say how or why Mr. Norris is so popular as the can-do-all-things-human, but my guess is the success of many seasons of Walker, Texas Ranger played a significant role.


The basic premise behind a Chuck Norris joke is this: If it can't be done by anyone else, Chuck can do it. I could continue with a dry description of what is classified as a good Norris joke, but I'd rather just give you some. You'll get the point pretty quickly I think. Enjoy.


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.


Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.


Chuck Norris makes onions cry.


Chuck Norris is the only human to have ever tamed a dinosaur.


Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.


When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris.


When the Boogey Man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris can eat coal and poop out diamonds.


A Cobra once bit Chuck Norris on the leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain the cobra died.


Chuck Norris' DNA isn't a double helix. It's barbed wire.


When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he mails blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.


Chuck Norris can turn back time by simply staring at the clock and flexing.


The symbol for Chuck Norris in sign language is a middle finger on fire.


Jesus wore a bracelet that read "WWCND?"


Chuck Norris won a staring contest with Medusa.


When you open a can of "whoop-ass," Chuck Norris jumps out.

Chuck Norris can speak Brail.


I think you get the point. If these jokes aren't funny to you, then I'm sorry, you just don't get them and probably operate on a higher level of sophistication than the rest of us. For those who do find them funny, these jokes can be made up by anyone, so if you have any originals, please post them on the comments section.


And finally, when I got the book for Christmas it was not wrapped. It only had a note card, fastened on by ribbon, which read, "So this book was wrapped, but the picture of Church Norris on the cover made the paper rip itself off..."