Strength

In my time as a chaplain, I don't know how many times I've heard someone say something like this, "I just have to be strong."

His wife is slipping away, death is near, a husband is in shambles and the words and outlook he chooses are, "I must be strong through this."

A woman sobs over the now lifeless body of her beloved cousin. After caring for her for so long, and after sitting quietly and frightened at her bedside as her cousin died, her response to me is that she must be strong through this.

Time and time again I've heard this. Be strong for momma. Be strong, don't cry. Strength, apparently, is how we're taught to manage our grief.

What I interpret these words to mean is, "I don't want to cry." Strength = no tears. "I'm afraid to cry." "I'm embarrassed to cry."  That's the message.  Tears = weakness.

This is regrettable.

Our society has given us these ideas that somehow, crying at the time of death or tragedy is negative, bad, weak, undesirable or something we can actually avoid. We learn this at an early age. I can recall attending the death of a woman in her mid-20s with two kids. The older one was about 8 years old and said something like, "I'm not going to cry, I'm going to be strong." I was shocked. What 8-year in the world could withhold tears at losing his mother? This one sure wasn't able to; however, he thought he needed to! 

Here's the truth as I see it. It actually takes more strength, more fortitude and a more robust character to emote and do so publicly. This image of the Alpha-male who never cries and has the emotional capacity of a cinder block is completely unhealthy.

The old adage comes to mind: "It has to hurt to heal." The wisdom in this applies to emotional pain as well as physical. When we lose someone close, the American male way to move forward is typically to bottle things up. Tuck away our feelings, never discuss them, and at all cost remain tear-less. Sadly, this American male is the one who will be found in therapy ten or twenty or thirty years down the road still haunted by unresolved grief from losing someone close (parent, spouse, child, etc). The path toward healing for our American male is through those horrible feelings, not around them.

By moving toward, into, engaging and expressing those feelings, healing comes. By moving away, avoiding, dodging and covering them up, we only stunt our growth as humans. This is where that old adage comes into play. Moving into and through grief is painful. It hurts. One man said to me, "It's the worst feeling int he world." And he's probably right. But we must go this direction, through the path of pain, to find healing.

Here's two examples:

Number 1: Leroy Jethro Gibbs. If you've ever watched NCIS, the main character, Gibbs, has been grieving (or rather avoiding his grief) for eight seasons now. The character lost his wife and daughter tragically when they were gunned down by a Mexican drug lord. Afterwards, Gibbs, a Marine sniper, shot and killed the drug lord exacting his revenge. But Gibbs is still grieving. Sadly, he's an emotional ignoramous. It makes for good television, but bad practice. He is completely unwilling to discuss his family's death nor take a look at the feelings that acompany it. Gibbs is sadly very unhealthy. (Thankfully, he's a fictional character.)

Number 2: Joe's wife died earlier this summer while in hospice care. I've been working at a hospice office as one of the chaplains and spent some considerable time with Joe, both before and after his wife's death. Joe openly admitted that after his traumatic time in WWII as a field medic, he bottled up, avoided and hid his emotions from the war, never dealing with what he saw and experienced. He also admitted that he becomes emotional uncontrollably at times when certain war-related topics are brought up. He's never understood why. Joe and I discussed what things will be like for him when his wife dies. He expected to again bottle up the emotions, lock them away and throw away the mental key. But, it was already clear, from the tears on his face that he couldn't wipe away fast enough, that this method wasn't going to work this time. Since her death, Joe has requested more meetings with me. And Joe is learning to grieve. He openly states, "This is new to me." He's a hardened and successful businessman who is choosing to move toward his feelings rather than away. His progress is so visible that it's inspiring. When his tears come, he embraces them, as hard as it might be. And this takes far more strength than avoiding them.

It takes more strength to cry, than it does to hold it in. Of this, I am thoroughly convinced.

One more example, this time a biblical one. One of Jesus good friends named Lazarus died. When Jesus arrived at his tomb he did the manly thing. He saved the day by raising Lazarus from the tomb, avoiding his own emotions and fixing everybody else's sadness. Right? Itsn't that how the story goes?

No. Well, in the end, yes. But!...

I left out one simple, short and yet powerful verse. When Jesus arrived at the tomb of his friend, he wept (Luke 11:35). He didn't become misty-eyed. He didn't shed a single cinematic tear. Jesus wept, sobbed, broke down. He embraced the ful spectrum of emotion. He laughed when it was time to laugh, he was strong when strength was necessary, and he wept when his heart was broken.

What else can I say? It takes more strength to move toward your tears than way from them. So, how about it guys? All my sterotypicall American emotionally stunted men out there, the next time you feel sad, might we give real strength a try?

Dog Theology, part 10: Temptation

Here's how the scene goes down. I walk by the bathroom door and stop cold. Anger wells up in my chest as I look upon the various bits of toilet paper, Q-tips, clumps of hair and whatever else was strewn about from the bathroom trash can by my dog, Dakota. And who knows how much she's eaten? It's hard to remember to close the door everytime and all the time. But when we (mostly I) don't close it, this happens. The result, I know I'm not going to have a good night sleep.

Why?, you might ask.

Dogs vomit. And when Dakota vomits, it is almost always at 5am in the morning. Sound asleep, in the quiet of the early morning, when the birds are considering beginning their chirping, the air is chilled and crisp and all is calm in the Highlands Apartments where we live, when we hear....that noise. That deep gutteral, back-of-the-throat, short-of-breath, K9, heaving. I immediately leap out of bed, like a fire cracker went off under my butt, and zoom toward Dakota (in the dark, with no glasses on) trying to find her and rushingly drag her to the linolium floor where vomit is far easier to clean.

Do I make it? Sometimes. Her favorite place to throw up is in the corner behind the door. So, even if I get to her, then I have to open the door and get her out of the corner and around the door before we can actually go anywhere. This is very frustrating. And, this dance happens all because Dakota cannot withstand the temptation of the trash.

Two weeks ago we started the season of Lent with Ash Wednesday. Traditionally, one of the themes of Lent is a focus on our fleshy-ness, our humanness. And the lectionary (prescribed order of worship) starts off Lent with passages on temptation. Focusing on temptation reminds us of those things that make us human, that we are frail, that "we are dust and to dust we will return." Temptation is one of the chief marks of being human.

People often give up something during Lent as a way of engaging their humanness and recognizing the power of temptation. I typically do not participate in this Lenten fast of sorts, but perhaps you are somebody who does.

Whether or not you choose to give up something until Easter, may you use this season to look inward at yourself. Reflect on what makes you human, what makes you tick. Can you pinpoint your deepest motivations, and can you stare into the face of that part of yourself of which you may be ashamed and still say to yourself, "I love you." I pray that you can. I will do my best to do this during the remaining Lent season, and while I do so, I sure wish Dakota will also engage her spirituality during Lenten and give up eating trash so I can get some sleep.

Connection

This evening, just after my wife and I had finished our spaghetti, watched the end of the 1st Indiana Jones, and before I could even wipe the red spag-sauce off my mouth and out of my beard, there was a subtle knock at my door. Instantly, our doorbell rang. Not the "ding-dong" sound as if had someone pressed the button next to the door handle. No, it was our other doorbell...Dakota, barking and howling! Not really a door "bell," she's more like a door-"gong", loud as crap, annoying and goes on forever.

There were two young men around my age standing ready to meet me as I unlatched and opened up. Each was wearing a black suit, tasteful blue tie and a pressed white shirt underneath, with a shoulder bag casually but carefully slung over their frame. Mormons. I was instantly reminded of a corny joke I once made: "What is the opposite of a Mormon? Give up? A "less-man!" (palming forehead in embarrassment)

Now, a formerly conservative, Baptist minister from the Bible-belt South, where we proudly tote bumper stickers that read, "The Bible says it, I believe it, That settles it," I could possibly be more than a hassle for these two mildly-trained-in-theology yet eager missionaries. Why not, the culture I came up in tells me to greet these two gentlemen with theological hostility, claiming that their beliefs are wacko opposed to mine, which come directly from God of course and are completely right and on target (which is after all, the point?).

However, I was feelings generous. I engaged them slightly, telling them during our conversation I was a minister and chaplain with a less than informed position toward The Church of LDS. Upon hearing I was a chaplain they inquired, "So, are you, then, a religious person?" And I have to say, with all the baggage that now comes with the term "religious," I honestly hate that question. My response, "Something like that."

I am aware of the dangers, as a vocational minister, in promoting the institution of religion over and above all else. Religion is too often used as a way of dividing one another (e.g. What religion are you?), labeling and enhancing differences. Focusing on religion creates in-groups, out-groups, clubs of exclusivity that work against what I see as the gospel.

And this is ironic considering the origin of the word religion. The exact origin is a little unclear; however, one strong possibility is that our word religion comes from the Latin word, ligare, which means "connect or bind." Adding the prefix "re-," it means "to re-connect." At it's core, religion is an attempt to reconnect ourselves, to reconnect with God, reconnect with nature, with ourselves and with other people. Religion is meant to bring us together in communion with the dance of life.

But, back to the Mormons. After the pleasantries, my two friends, like an uncontrollable impulse, had to shove the conversation awkwardly to their canned 20-second presentation of the gospel. And they did everything right. They maintained good eye contact, spoke clearly, spoke from the personal (e.g. "I believe; I've experienced), and they had all the right, pleasant, safe and approved words, which might invite me to ask further questions. They offered me a free copy of The Book of Mormon, opened it to a page they were referencing, showed it to me steadily, and held it out for me to take without pushing it on me. A flawless performance! Bravo, they took their training well.

But, what they didn't take into account is that they were talking to a hospital chaplain. I spend my days, meeting strangers and finding ways to connect personally with them in a relatively short amount of time. This is an art form, at which I humbly confess I am a novice. People are typically very good at spotting facades. If I am disingenuous, patients tend to realize and back away from me in conversation. And when these two fellows began telling me their beliefs, I did just that. Their vocal patterns changed from individual person to mechanically rehearsed sales pitch made to sound falsely sincere. I immediately disconnected from them. This, too, is ironic as they were attempting to share their religion, their reconnection.

I will admit. I have not done any old fashion "faith sharing" in quite some time. This is due partially to a drastic change in my theology and thoughts on evangelism, and partially due to the fact that I just don't think it's that worth while anymore. If you want to know my beliefs, my faith, look at my life, engage me in honest conversation without a secret motive. Befriend me and let's talk about all subjects ranging from basketball, homeless people, God, ping-pong, my deepest fears, favorite foods and my love for my bride. Let's go to restaurants, walks along nature trails, to movies and my apartment. Share as much of yourself as you want from me. Let's laugh together and be sad together. I think you will learn far more about my personal beliefs and theology (and I'll learn about yours), and there will be no question as to what is genuine or scripted. Let's connect, debate, discuss, argue, reconnect and learn to see the world, and learn to see God, through one another's perspective. That is my religion.

Be blessed.

Cars

In anticipation of our 2-week cross-country journey/drive to Alaska, Heather and I have slowly been shopping all summer for an adequate vehicle. Making sure we have ample time to do our homework and not be pressured into buying by pushy car salesman, car-fever or time constraints has proven worth while.

Over the past two months we have visited around a dozen dealers or smaller car lots. I have spent probably some 30 hours online looking for cars, and we have looked through hundreds of suitable cars. From this, I have learned several things about the car buying process that will help me (and you) next time.

1) Know what you want before you even visit a dealer. The sales people are ready to do business, and if you're not they'll seem more pushy than they're probably being.

2) Shop while you drive. The best place to scout out what body style or kind of car that is pleasing to your eye is on the interstate. While driving you'll pass virtually every car out there today. Take note of the ones you like.

3) Get the sales people to work for you. I contacted dozens of dealers, even ones out of state, asking questions, making inquiries, etc. Most of them offered to take down the specifics of what I wanted and find it for me. This is very helpful. *(I also learned that you can do all the buying right over the phone, then just go, sign the already prepared papers and drive away. How cool is that?)

4) The old method of haggling back and fourth over price is on its way out. With more dealers actually and honestly offering bottom dollar prices these days it's forcing others to do the same.

5) When buying, ask to see the invoice (how much the dealer paid for the car). This will show you if you're getting raked over by a high percentage mark up.

6) Internet prices on vehicles are very often less than on-the-lot prices. Make sure you see both.

7) Don't name a price. The first thing sales people asked us was our price range. "But never give them a number," says my good Singaporian friend Greg who is a salesman himself (but not the car kind).

8) Avoid car fever. "Car Fever" is that excited, gotta-have-it feeling people get when they first start shopping. One salesman admitted to me that he gets a lot of business from car fever. It took me about a month to get over this feeling, and I began thinking clearly again. Car fever will almost always make you spend more money. Most people buy a car within 48 hours of their first visit to a dealer because they contract car fever. That's rarely enough time to make a wise decision.

9) Check the car fax report. Make sure the vehicle you're considering has never been wrecked or salvaged or something like that. All cars have one. If you can't view it online or if the dealer steers you away from seeing it don't buy the car.

10) Mileage matters more than year. I would rather buy a 5 year old car with 30K miles on it than a 2 year old car with 50K milse. Cars age by the mile, not so much the year.

11) Never buy a brand new car. Dave Ramsey (money guru) will back me up on this one. Most cars lose over half their value during the first few years of ownership. Buying a 2-5 year old car will save you big bucks in the long run, and it will run just fine. Dave Ramsey says that only people with 1 million dollars in cash sitting around can afford the financial loss that comes from buying a brand new vehicle.

For Alaska, Heather and I needed a 4-wheel drive vehicle with pleanty of seating and cargo space. We decided on a pick-up truck. We then decided we wanted to be patriotic and only buy American. It came down to either a Ford F-150 or a Dodge Ram. Either would do. And in the end we found a good deal on a Dodge Ram 1500, quad cab, Big Horn. And it happened to be Heather's very most favorite color...ever.

We actually found it at a dealer in North Georgia, where I noticed cars tend to be cheaper than expensive ol' Asheville, NC. It's 3 years old but it only has 11.5K miles, nearly new. And the price was compatible with all the other used ones we'd looked at, even cheaper than most F-150s.

A gas guzzler, yes. And, it's a far cry from our little 2-door Saturn (which we're selling by the way, so if you're interested let me know). But it is fun to drive!

Of course, you can see from the picture this is very much a personality car and probably requires a name. I want to hear your suggestions. Please post them in the comment section.

Blog Alert!

Okay folks, here's the deal. I'm about to unleash one of the best kept secrets in the blogosphere.

Of the four residents, three of us have blogs. I'd like to take a moment and introduce to you the other two bloggers and their words of reflection on this crazy year of residency.

Vicki's blog is a contemplative look at her expereinces this year and how they contrast her many years spent in the business world. If I could choose only one word for Vicki it would be "thoughtful." When you speak to her you know she's listening and actively intersted in what you're saying, even when it's not that interesting. Therefore, I think she has adequately titled her blog, "Showing up to the moment." One thing I appreciate about Vicki is that she does just that - she shows up.

When perusing her page be sure to read "Beauty Tips," "Demon Be Gone," "Your Delivery Has Arrived," and "See me feel me" (one of her favorites).

________________


On Call - The Spartanburg Year is the title of Erin's blog. A tenured pastor in the 7th Day Adventist tradition, Erin is expanding her talents for pastoral care and cataloging her notable encounters on this blog. Sprinkled with humor and spunk she has kept this blog restricted to only approved readers for too long. So this is my call to all you out there reading this who could form half of a football team; it's time to make Erin's blog open to all readers so you too can enjoy her whitty writing and gift for story-telling.

Click on the link above to see her blog, and if access is still denied email her by clicking here. So you don't have to draft a new message to a stranger, copy and paste this message, and just add your name.

Dear Erin,

Reading Nathan's mediocre blog becomes tiresome. Please open your blog to the public so I may enjoy some quality blogging, and so that I don't have to get your address from Nathan and begin sending you gospel tracks from every Baptist church in the state. Your compliance will make this easier on both of us.

Sincerely,

On her site, be sure to read, "Bear Hunting," "Cheese Pastor," "Chaplain Down," and "Wading In" (one of her favorites).

So, there you have it folks. Two quality blogs full of wonderful, heart-warming and wrentching, sad, hilarious and whitty stories about life and chaplaincy. Don't pass this opportunity up!

Theological Jenga

I remember vividly just what it was like when I finally figured out that the Bible was not authored word for word by God's hand. It was my first year of seminary. I also remember thinking, "Oh crap, is the Bible even meaningful at all then anymore?" After a few deep breaths I gathered my frantic thoughts and moved forward.

Yes, the Bible is meaningful to me even though it wasn't dictated audibly by God to faithful trance-induced ancient writers. I can still look to the Bible on matters of faith and practice knowing that it was written by a haggle of misfits, outcasts, kings and wonderers over the span of hundreds of years. I haven't thrown out the Bible.

Over the course of my upbringing I was given lots of little peices of theological dogma and truths. With these peices I formed theological bricks and began to build my wall which represents my theology.

Rob Bell has been known to talk about this brick wall. He says that many of us are afraid that if we remove a brick from the wall the entire thing will colapse. And that's a scary feeling for most people to entertain, because our theology partially forms our world view, our life paradigm.

So, when I removed the brick that read, "Bible: authored by God," I was afraid everything would come crashing down.

But it didn't...

Unfortunately, the notion of a wall can carry with it the idea of keeping people or other ideas out. Theological stone-walling can lead to close-mindedness and judgmentalism, so this image doesn't quite do it for me.

Rather, I would like to pose the picture of a theological game of Jenga. If, in this game I remove the same piece that advocates divine authorship, I can dust it off, smooth an edge or two and re-place it on the top. Now, granted this takes some gentleness and a smooth hand, but I think it is the healthier way to operate.

I met many other people in college who for the first time took an academic course on the New Testament and came out as atheists. Their entire faith had been dashed in a 3 month class taught by just one person. I can only imagine that one or two pieces of their theological Jenga tower had been violently jerked out causing the rest to tumble. And this was sad for me to watch, especially as a college pastor in later years.

My hope for this post is that when our paradigms are challenged we won't throw out the divine baby with the theological bath water. There are many Jenga bricks from my childhood that still need to be taken out, examined, polished and put somewhere else. My sister is helping me with this process right now. I can confess that some of my peices have been discarded completely because they just didn't fit. And that's fine. It is a healthy process that we call growing in faith and understanding.

Maybe you have experienced your own Jenga tower topple. No doubt it was a painful process. Maybe yours is swaying and feels unsturdy. I wish I had a remedy to fix such a problem, but I don't. All I can say is I know it's a difficult process that brings you to a place of uncertainty, and nobody likes that feeling. I can only offer my story as hope or perhaps inspiration.

If you are swaying I'm happy to talk with you or suggest some books that helped me. Grace and peace to you.

Flexitarian

Two of the four chaplain residents are vegetarians. And I must say that the hospital cafeteria is not very welcoming to them. Yes, there is a salad bar and side items at the home-cookin' line, but I imagine this gets old pretty quick with such limited options. Not to mention, the soup called vegetable soup often appears to contain bits of mystery meat and the side item green beans and such are often cooked in bacon. (Sounds good to me.)

BTW: if you like bacon, click here.

However, just in the past couple of weeks the cafeteria has made meager attempts, though attempts nonetheless, at better welcoming our non-Babe-eating friends. Often soup will be labeled when it is strictly vegetarian, and just today one of the lines was catering intentionally to vegetarians (Vegetarian Delight with Great Grains!).

Also, there has appeared a new sign in the serving area which reads, "Flex-uh-tayr-ian." Below is a definition: one who eats 1 meatless meal per week.

Wanting to prove to my colleagues that I'm not simply a mindless meat eating carnivour, I've decided to take up the cause. Today I ate my third vegetarian meal in only two weeks. So I'm actually ahead of the curve.

I have noticed on my no-meat days that I become hungry a tad bit earlier than usual; however, it's kind of a nice feeling knowing that my body is going to have to convert some of my stored fat into energy (die fat, die!).

So, if you're looking for even the mildest attempt at bettering your health, perhaps you'll join me in riding the flexitarian wave that will likely never sweap the country.

Starbucks Church

I recently stumbled across this video called "What if Starbucks Marketed Like a Church?" The video originated from a church marketing website founded and run by Richard Reising, a marketing consultant.

We all know that churches have their own unique brand/genre of marketing, and that genre is so different than corporate society that when churches do market like big business something feels odd about it. I live near Biltmore Baptist Church which often has commercial advertisements on stations that real people actually watch. And when they come on the TV it's plain weird. Churches just don't advertise that way.

But here's the prophetic video which just might be a wake up call. Though five minutes long, it's worth a watch and dripping with truth.

Enjoy.





Let's here your comments about it. Javalluiah!

Total Money Makeover, by Dave Ramsey

I recently read The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey after a dear friend bought for it me on a whim. Compelled to read the book because it was a gift and because I know little about money, I'm much better off for doing so.

Dave Ramsey is a money guru who has authored several money books, produced financial materials such as Financial Peace University, and has a talk radio show with an advertised 3 million listeners.

The Total Money Makeover provides a theoretical financial plan for how to get and stay out of debt. With a thin venear of Chrsitianity overlayed, the book does not offer technical equations for making wise, high-return investments. Rather, it reads more like a motivational speech containing straight forward sometimes harsh advice for those up to their eyeballs in debt.

And it works. Litered with real peoples' success stories, I can find no reason why Ramsey's plan might fail if carried out with what he calls "gazelle intensity."

One concept that I appreciated about the book was this point. Most people do not recieve formal training for how to handle money. I've graduated high school, college and graduate school, and in all of that have recieved zilch in financial education. Most Americans are financially ignorant. And that's where the book starts.

The basic premise is to begin to tell your money what to do rather than the opposite. This is one of the reasons why I think Ramsey is so popular: his advice is accessible. I know virtually nothing, technically, about handling or investing money. And I'd venture that lots of people are just like me. Ramsey doesn't waste time mulling over the technicals which require a CPA to interpret. He has two basic principles: save your money and pay your debts.

In the end, the book was a simple quick read which offered inspiration for becoming financially fit more than anything else. The plan is broad enough for just about anyone, yet specific enough that I can carry it out without having to reach for help every other step. I would recommend it as a necessary read for any young person or couple getting a start on life hoping to handle money well.

Happy Holidays

Realizing that some people are less comfortable wishing everyone 'Merry Christmas,' as addressed in my last post, here's a list of ways to say 'Happy Holidays' in a few other languages.

Enjoy!

French: Joyeuses Fetel.
Swedish: Trevlig Helg.
Portuguese: Boas Festas.
Romanian: Sarbotori Fericite
Mandarin: Jie Ri Yu Kuai
Carlan: Bones Festes
Italian: Buone Feste
South African (Xhose): li holide eximnandi
German: Forhe Feiertage
Dutch: Prettige feestdagen
Hawaiian: Hou'oli Lanui (pronounced how-oh-law la-new-ee)
In Gaelic: Beannachtai na feile
Slovenian: Vesele Praznike
Indonesian: Selamat Hari Raya
Croatian: Sretni praznici
Souther English: Happy Holidays Ya'll!

I hope everyone's season is filled with a full amount of love and light and happiness.

Merry Christmas

There's just over a week until Christmas and people are wishing others 'Merry Christmas,' 'Happy Holidays' and other yule blessings.

So in the spirit of such blessings here's a list of how to say Merry Christmas in several different languages.

Enjoy!

Chinese: (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan
Chinese: (Cantonese) Gun Tso Sun tan'Gung Haw Sun
Croation: Sretan Bozic
Danish Glaedelig Jul
Filipino: Maligayang Pasko
Finnish: Hyvaa joulua
French: Joyeux Noel
German: Frohliche Weihnachten
Greek: Kala Christouyenna!
Indonesian: Salemat Hari Natal
Irish: Nollaig Shona Dhuit
Italian: Buon Natale!
Jajpanese: Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Portuguese: Felize Natal!
Russian: Pozdravlyenie s Rozjdyestvom i s Novym Godom!
Swedish: God Jul

Next will be a list of how to say 'Happy Holidays.'

X-mas Music

If you want some variety from the seasons usual Christmas tunes you can check out these two delightful songs, which I revisit every year for a good laugh.


My absolute favorite! Visit this site for the best (or at least most moving) version of "Oh Holy Night" you'll ever hear. I alsmost cried laughing so hard the first time I heard it. And I'm fairly sure it's real.


You may have heard it before, but Adam Sandler's "Hanukkah Song" is quite entertaining. Here's a link to a YouTube showing of it, but I think Sandler was partially drunk during this preformance so the words are hard to understand at times. Take a moment to listen to Sandler's list of Jewish (or partly Jewish) celebrities and have a laugh.


Enjoy!


Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, have a great Solstice, happy Kwanza, have a good Dwali and also Bodhi Day, and of course, enjoy Festivus!

Fresh Christmas Music Alert!

In an older post I introduced you to an old college buddy of mine, Gary Mitchell. Gary, a musician, writes inspiriational lyrics inlayed into an always funky groovin' rhythm.

This post is to alert you to his latest project entitled "Give Love Away," a compilation of familar Christmas songs set to a new Gary-style groove. The album also has an original song, "Christmas Stories" which I think is superb.

The grinch in me: I typically first grimmace my face when corporate merchand

isers begin playing Christmas music way to early (before Thanksgiving). I am slow to get into the spirit of over-played Christmas tunes blarring out the sound of cash registers ringing.

However, Gary's new set of songs brings life back into five of the season's classics. Gary, I want more! You can go to this website and download one song or the entire set. I recommend all of them as they each have their own bit of original flare.

You can also download his last full album of original music called "Everything and Nothing." I have this album, it's one of my favorites! Gary has a knack for writing lyrics which speak to the human condition with music that keeps your head bobbing.

Thank you, Gary, for bringing some fresh Christmas mucis to my season and my soul.

Check out his website and all of his music, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Loving Listener

Since I began my residency as a hospital chaplain I've found it difficult to describe to folks just what a chaplain does. I've abandoned almost all efforts at describing the whole program of CPE, but I can still make attempts to convey what mysterious endevors we chaplain kind get into.

It's not easy though. Some people think we visit patients in the hospital to try and convert them. This couldn't be more wrong and is often a place of humor around the office. Others seem to think we simply pat sweet old ladies on the back saying, "there there." Though this does happen from time to time (minus the "there there") it's not representative of what a chaplain does.

Officially, chaplains tend to the emotional and spiritual needs of people in the hospital. But while this definition is somewhat telling, it is also vague.

At a meeting with some residents from another program, I came across a concept from theologian Paul Tillich called the "Loving Listener" which does as good a job as any describing what chaplains are after. Our handout reads, "A loving listener is one who will listen to our story without judging or giving advice. The loving listener listens with empathy, understanding and concern. A loving listern is one who will encourage us to pour out our feelings until they can be released and healing occures" (Lemons, Stephen A., The Five Tasks of Successful Grieving).

He went on to point out that everyone, ever person, needs a loving listener in his or her life. We need someone to whom we can spill our emotional and spiritual guts who will be non-judgmental and not try to fix our problems. Anyone who's done any kind of therapy (professional or otherwise) knows it's helpful to just get things off our chest. A loving listener can provide a safe space to do just that.

As chaplains, this is what we are trained to do, and sometimes we have to draw it out of people. Again, this is not a complete job description of what chaplains do; however, it is one of the profound and meaningful ways that we interact with other "living human documents."

I hope you have a loving listener in your life. If not, I hope you can find one, someone to unload your troubles onto. This will allow you to feel your own experience instead of suppress it, and that's healthy.

A helpful Chinese proverb reads, "Suppression leads to momentary relif and permanent pain. Feeling your expereince leads to momentary pain and permanent relief."

What does the Bible say...really?

When I was an adolescent and teenager I used to think that I'd heard or read pretty much everything in the Bible, and reading parts of it again just became mundane repitition. The Bible seemed boring. Boy was I wrong. The truth is, I was boring.

Whether you believe in God or not, whether you believe the Bible is inerrent or have put some actual thought into the matter, the Bible is full of many adventurous, exciting, often graphic, scandalous, sexual, murderous and random stories.

One of my favorites is the story of Ehud from Judges 3. Ehud, an Israelite brings a gift to the enemy king ruling over Israel. After the "gifting" ceremony, Ehud gets the obese king alone by speaking of a secret message. Once alone, Ehud, a left handed man "drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king's belly. Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it. Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them."

Not surprisingly, I didn't hear that one in Sunday school as a kid. And there's no need to embelish this little nugget, it's graphic enough by itself.

In Mark, there's a random appearance of a naked guy. "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind."

Random, but okay...

Judges 4 graphically describes how an enemy general had a tent spike driven through his temple all the way to the ground while he was sleeping. Yikes!

I think if we spent half as much times reading the Bible rather than talking about the Bible we'd come to some pretty different conclusions. It turns my stomach often when people try to prove their own agenda by beginning sentences with, "Well, the Bible says..."

With the dawn of the internet, modern technology, and the persistence of the Gideons we have more access to the Bible than ever before, yet for some reason people seem to read it less. Now, this post is not meant to be a cheap guilt trip to get you to read the Bible or read it more. I do think, however, that people have lots of opinions about what the Bible says, but often little first hand experience to back up what they're saying. I've been in that crowd before too, so I'm no better.

I hope that as a community, Christians will begin again to read the Bible out of interest rather than guilt. Let's not use the Bible to promote our own cause but rather let it inspire a cause within us. So many of the storeis are radical, worthy of Hollywood's rendering. I hope we can more and more let the Bible speak instead of speaking for it.

Remember 9/11

I remember vivdly walking to English class during the early part of my first semester of college. Because my SAT scores were barely under the set standards, I was in a remedial English class which (not to their discredit) included a number of Carolina's finest athletes. Walking through crowds of people I gatherd from cell phone snippets that something was on the news; however, I was more concerned feeling embarrassed that the assignment from a class I was ashamed to be taking was actually hard. Upon finally arriving in class we heard news from two athletes who ironically knew more than I did aboutf what was happening in New York.

"Something about one of the World Trade Center buildings was hit by a place, or is on fire, or something," she alerted us, "It's all over the news." Our professer quickly dismissed us appeasing our overriding interests to watch the news rather than hear his lecture.

Returning to my dorm room I found my room mate watching his computer screen (something he did 90% of the time) with the news on the TV in the background. I remember just how our room was set up that day, where I sat, and how I felt watching and learning the details of the terrorist attack on our country using two passanger filled missiles to bring down our tallest buildings, a third to strike the Pentagon and a fourth which never reached its destination no doubt due to the actions of the heroes on board. I remember it all.

Isn't it funny how our most celebrated moments in life (weddings, graduations, birthdays) fade into our memories as fuzzy shadows of jubilation and happiness, but the hardest, most terrifying, paradigm shifting moments in our lives are etched into the granit of our memory's stone tablet. The world's greatest poker players cannot remember the hands of how they won their fortunes, but I'm sure each of them can recall the specific cards in each hand of those times they lost the biggest. Isn't that funny.

Perhaps we remember moments like September 11th, 2001 so vividly so that we can learn lessons, remember our loved ones, not repeat mistakes, and realize the lasting effects of violence. 9/11 taught me that we can't rely on our tallest buildings to harald us as a great nation but rather on our fortitude and strength of character. It taught me that redemptive violence is a myth, and that we ought to pray for God to bless every nation not just our own.

So, today, this week and this month as you are remembering 9/11, remember where you were and how it changed you. Remember the courage shown by so many representative of our country. Remember the damage of violence. Remember that what matters in this life is just that. . . life.

"Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance." Psalm 33:12

Stripped by God

Below is a poem I read this week which spoke heavily to many of the deep faith questions that I believe we all deal with if and when we're honest with ourselves. Enjoy...


What would happen if I pursed God -
If I filled my pockets with openness,
Grabbed a thermos half full of fortitude,
And crawled into the cave of the Almighty
Nose first, eyes peeled, heart hesitantly following
Until I was face to face
With the raw, pulsing beat of Mystery?


What if I entered and it looked different
Than anyone ever described?
What if the cave was too large to be fully known,
Far too extensive to be comprehended by one person or gropu,
Too vast for one dogma or doctrine?


Would I shatter at such a thought?
Perish from paradox or puzzle?
Shrink and shrivel before the power?
Would God be diminished if I lived a question
Rather than a statement?
Would I lost my faith
As I discovered the magnitude of Grace?


O, for the willingness to explore
To leave my tiny vocabulary at the entrance
And stand before you naked
Stripped of pretenses and rigidity,
Disrobed of self righteousness and tidy packages,
Stripped of all that holds me at a distance from you
And your world.


Strip me O God,
Then clothe me in curiosity and courage.


It's natural to want solid, clear, easy answers to our questions about faith, but to our discomfort sometimes there just aren't any. Robert Louis Stevenson said, "To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive."


Answers to questions of faith that stem from certitude are safe, and they're also easy. Sadly they don't require all that much faith. This poem suggests that the healthier place to be is in question. Someone once asked their rabbi, "Why is it that rabbis always answer a question with another question?" The rabbi answers, "So what's wrong with a question?"


Jesus was a rabbi. He rarely gave straight or simiple answers. Rather, he often replied to questions with questions or told a story causing others to ponder.


This post is not to say that there's no truth or that we can't know anything about faith. However, I do cast a hesitent glance toward any person, denomination or otherwise that claims to have it all figured out.

Questions?...

Cutting Costs

The recession is affecting all of us. If you haven't become a victim of downsizing chances are you know someone who has. People and companies are finding new ways to save money that they had never before thought of. I heard one financial analyst recently say, "People are so scared they're actually beginning to save money." Amazing!

Though there are few, one of the potential good things that has and will continue to come out of these economic hard times is the knowledge of new ways to save money. I have probably heard of at least a dozen different ways that companies are cutting costs in order to keep from cutting jobs.

Some companies are being forced to make such large cuts that down-sizing is inevitable. However, here are some methods other companies are employing in order to retain employees.

I recently read a news article about a New England school system struggling to cut costs without cutting jobs. After making all possible budget cuts they were left with a deficit that would lead to 6 people losing their jobs. In stead of giving them the pink slip (no, not the one for detention) they came up with a better, more inspiring solution. Each employee in the entire school system, from board members to janitors, was asked to work one day for free. They had an astounding surge of support from virtually all employees. The money saved was enough for all 6 people to keep their jobs.

I work part time at a Harris Teeter, and we were recently told that we must now take 40 minute lunch breaks (as opposed to 30 minutes). I saw this as a good thing personally, because I enjoy the extra few minutes to sit peacefully after I've eaten lunch, and the cut in my paycheck is negligible. But the company as a whole saves quite a bit of money.

These two stories teach us something important. If everyone sacrifices a little we can all benefit a lot.

A friend of mine said her company has gone to 4 hour Fridays. She works only a 36 hour week now, but who doesn't want half the day off on Friday? She told me this with a cheery face as she was running some errands on a Friday afternoon.

Some small to midsized companies are making across the board salary decreases. This is difficult on the employees but I think it's a better solution than cutting jobs completely. I would rather make a bit less money than see my office-mate completely lose his or her job.

North Carolina state issued a hiring freeze for management positions. If a manager retires or quits, the position will not immediately be filled. This is one way to save money, and in a lot of cases an office can function for the most part without the manager. I don't say this as a depreciation of any managers out there, because my mother-in-law is a manager for the state, and she's taking care of business!

Other companies are requiring their employees to take some vacation time by a certain date. Who couldn't use a vacation!? Realizing that many people cannot go easily without the pay lost from vacation time, I am trying to see the bright side. At least you still have your job. Hey during your vacation you could work somewhere else a make a few bucks.

Some businesses are considering requiring smokers to pay higher health care premiums. I personally don't have a problem with this. Is it discrimination? No, a smoker chooses to be one.

My neighbor works a very stressful job and it is often obvious on her face. After a tough week recently she paused in our conversation and said something profound, "You know what, as difficult as my job can be, I am sure thankful to have one."

This is a time when we are all stopping to count our economic blessings, and I hope that we don't forget it all when the economy eventually rebounds. It is a privilege to be able to work in the safe and secure work environments provided by this countries freedoms. And it is a privilege to be paid the high amounts of money that we're paid when compared to the rest of the world. Immigrants come to our country with the high hopes that they'll land a job paying as much as 8.50 per hour. That's what I make bagging groceries.

Not ignoring the monetary difficulties of the day, lets try and appreciate what we do have and like an auditor continue to diligently count our blessings.

Rutba

Shortly after the US bombings in Iraq began a group of Americans were traveling on the road away from Baghdad in jeeps. After a while the convoy noticed that the last jeep was no longer following. They turned around to go look and found their comrades' vehicle wrecked on the side of the road with only bloody seats on the inside. They traveled to a nearby town in Western Iraq called Rutba and found their friends, two of which had severe head injuries. They found a Muslim Iraqi doctor and asked him to help their friends. The doctor said, "Three weeks ago your country bombed our country, but I will take care of them anyway." When the Americans asked the doctor how much money they owed him he replied, "Nothing, just go back to the US and tell them what it's really like here."

This reminds me all to well of a story Jesus told that we often call The Good Samaritan. Samaritans were the sworn enemy of the Jews, yet Jesus' story had a Samaritan taking care of an injured Jewish man to no gain of his own. The one who is supposed to be your enemy ends up saving your life.

The doctor in Iraq no doubt had seen the devastation first hand that the American bombings had inflicted on his country and his people. But when he was faced with injured Americans he chose to extend them the same kind of charity as the man in Jesus' parable. This Muslim doctor was practicing the kind of living that Jesus prescribed and that Christians strive to follow, including his command to "love your enemies." Perhaps we Christians should follow this Muslim's example.

One of the men in the convoy from this story lives in Durham, NC. He has helped to start something called The Rutba House which is part of the New Monasticism movement. You can read about it here. The Rutba house is a covenant community that strives to follow the Acts model of community:

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need." -Acts 4:32-35

Perhaps we could all take a lesson from Rutba, whether in Iraq or in Durham.

Twenty Six

I recently turned 26 and had a wonderful birthday full of surprises thanks to my lovely wife. In honor of my more than a quarter century on earth and in the style of Facebook's "25 Things About Me," here are 26 things I've learned about myself or this thing we call life.

1. Like my sister, my favorite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip. Breyer's makes the best.
2. Also like my sister I am somewhat musical and can carry a tune...unlike my dad.
3. I play the drums, most keyboard percussion instruments, guitar, and I am learning the harmonica.
4. Like my brother, my favorite video game of all time is River City Ransom for the NES.
5. I was married May 20, 2006 to my lovely wife and best friend, Heather.
6. Like my parents, I am a Christian; however, my faith is often expressed differently than theirs.
7. I have a dog, Dakota. She's great. The three of us pal around a lot.
8. Everyone experiences suffering, and no one's suffering can be compared to or judged by another person's suffering. The best way to help is to walk with another through his suffering.
9. I have worked in the grocery store business for a total of 5+ years.
10. I've always wondered what really happened to the Lost Colony.
11. I've been skydiving. And I hope to do it again.
12. I hate that I live in a culture that is sickly obsessed with material things. Sometimes I want to live in another country with as few 'things' as possible.
13. Apparently my sister can trace my genealogy back to John Alden and Priscilla Mullen of the Mayflower.
14. I graduated from UNC-CH with a Bachelor of Music and will soon complete a Master of Divinity from Campbell University.
15. Life and death are not opposites. Death is the only for sure part of life. The opposite of life is more likely loneliness. There's no refuting that humans thrive on our relationships. Without any relationships, more people would find no reason to live.
16. I love movies. My wife and I watch them all the time. My favorite movie is The Shawshank Redemption, but the Dark Knight is a close second.
17. I think that there is a God out there. After all, where did all this stuff come from?
18. I love to go skiing. I was on a ski racing team for three seasons in school. In eighth grade I placed 5th overall.
19. I've been to Alaska for over a month, Northern Ireland for two weeks and Mexico for a day.
20. I don't know what I'm going to be in the future, and I'm glad of it.
21. I'm a band geek to the end. Although, being a band geek has got me into 3 Carolina-Dook games, free trips to Florida and DC, and front row seats when the Tar Heels won the 2005 NCAA basketball tournament.
22. I get a kick out of making puns. The worse they are the better.
23. The more I write, the more I realize that I like writing. The same goes with reading.
24. Like millions of others I am into Harry Potter. I blame/thank my brother for that.
25. It seems like too often, the more money people have the more they want and worry about it. Also, the more they have the less of a realistic perspective on life they have.
26. I think every so often we all ought to cry for the violence that we allow to take place everyday in our world and for those who starve when we're trying to lose weight. Then we should do something about it.

Comments welcome.