Sadie Bee

Meet Sadie. She is a pure bread Miniature Doberman Pincher, who belongs to my dear sister-in-law, Lauren. And as such, she is the newest member of the family. She was born Oct. 9th, 2011. 

Probably full grown at 6 lbs.

When Lauren graduated from college, her sister promised her a puppy when she was ready. Approaching this past Christmas, Lauren told us she was ready for a little darling.

Already knowing which breed we were looking for, we found  Minpin breeder not far from Raleigh. And during our trip home to NC before Christmas, we picked up a 9 week old cutie!

In the car ride from the breeder's

We met Lauren at work and presented her with her new baby. 

Lauren meets Sadie for the 1st time

Her first leash outing with Lauren, already has beautiful stance

Back at Lauren's apartment, Sadie is no stranger to "ruff" housing and playing around. 

But, like every puppy, after a bit of fun play, she was out like a light on her new bed. 

You can't tell from this picture, but she's sleeping under the X-mas tree

Lauren may not like me saying, but she's got some sassy-ness about her. And because of this, I thought it was hilarious when that little dog, after the first time Lauren tried to discipline it, gave Lauren all the kind of sassy protesting she could muster. A fitting match, I think.

Sassy Lauren, waiting for her new "dog"hter to pee outside rather than inside again

We Need A New Word, part 2

In my last blog post, in which I considered the Enlish language's lack of a word to denote a long-term committed relationship that does not involve contractual marriage, I offered a few possible words and asked for more suggestions.

Since then, I've been asking people and even trying out some of the alternate words in casual conversation to see how they "go over." I've also gotten some good feedback from the comments.

One commentor offered that we call these people who are in our family though not by law, "family." As she noted, this is not a new word, but simply a wonderful inclusion that expresses love and acceptance, two things of which I'm in favor. So, while I very much like this suggestion, it doesn't solve the problem.

My mother suggests that because Kiwanis (a Christian men's group) uses the term "partner," and since it's good enough for this national organization it ought to be good enough for everyone else. But, I already expressed why I think "partner" is not quite right. At least not yet. Society still thinks "partner" means homosexual.

 Similarly, another comment shared that "life partner" is used by the company she works for. And, it's understandable why the coorporate world prefers this term. It's easy, and most companies nowadays don't care of about the gay/straight issue to which this term might give rise.

Audrey also stated that she sometimes says she's "unmarried" or "a little bit married" to her long-time committed boyfriend. Generally, I like this phraseology. It's witty fairly and clearly describing their circumstances.

An unknown-to-me commentor agreed she doesn't like "partner" for reasons that it sounds too uptight or formal. She suggested "spouse," but obviously this doesn't work, because "spouse" comes with too much assumption of a marriage contract. The marrieds have the patent on "spouse." She says that she refers to her boyfriend of 18 years as her "man," which he likes. Though, I'm not ready to close the deal with "man/woman," because, let's be honest, it would just be weird and unclear if I started talking about my brother and his "woman."

Last night, in casual conversation I tried using the term, "unwife." Afterwards I asked the person I was talking to if she knew what I meant. She did not. I then suggested "not-wife," which she immediately thought was better.

We talked about it some more and came up with some more suggestions, which are "semi-wife/husband," "pseudo-wife/husband" and "para-wife/husband." Of these three I like "para-" the least and "pseudo-" the most. If I casually refer to my sister and her "psuedo-husband" in conversation, I think the correct meaning would translate fairly well to most people. Though, "semi-husband/wife/spouse" is a close 2nd to "pseudo-." What do you think between these two?

Further thoughts on "not-." I previously said that I'm not sold on "not-wife/husband," because it may convey a negative connotation of condemnation: that though these two are not married they should be. But does the term "not-spouse" actually convey this? Or am I just being a little paranoid of offending people? If you are in an unmarried although committed relationship, how does this term sound to your ears? Do you find it offensive in the least? Condemning?

Another option for seaching out a new word/term is to come up with an acronym that can be used as a noun. For instance, I could refer to the Person I Live With Un-Married as my "PILWUM." Now, "Pilwum" isn't very smooth, but I imagine more creative minds could do better than I did after only two minutes of thinking on it.

So, it's time for deeper discussion people! We need a new word, and the popularity of this blog is just the platform to spawn something that can take our society by storm! Comments, comments comments, please.

We Need A New Word!

Please help. Both my brother and my sister have, respectively, a girlfriend and a boyfriend with whom they live. And I don't know what to call them!

My sister lives in Raleigh with her boyfriend who is totally chill, go-with-the-flow, witty and is someone to whom I look up in the field of bad puns. I love them both and have spent many of my favorite family nights around a game table at their house or on the couch playing Wii. If my sister ever did anything to jeapordize their relationship, I'd be upset with her and miss him with a pouty stuck out lower lip.

My brother lives in Chicago with his brainy, dry-sense-of-humor and awesome girlfriend. She is working on her Ph. D. in something about which, I know nothing. I love them both and miss hanging out together as we did when we all lived in the same town. In fact, if my brother ever did something to jeapordize his relationship with her, I'd head slap him a good one. Actually, there was once some form of proposal and an exchange of an engagement ring between them. But, that was a number of years ago, and as far as I know there are no active plans in the works to get hitched. So, I could call her my brother's fiancee, but that kind of conveys a message that doesn't fit.

I think of both my brother's and my sister's significant others as family, siblings-in-law, just as much as if there was a signed marriage contract registered with the state. The fact that there is no such document between either couple doesn't matter to me at all. As far as I'm concerned, my bro and sis are in committed relationships each with someone who cares deeply for them and treats them well.

Here's my problem. In casual conversation, I get caught up when describing my family and referring to these people. It doesn't do it justice to refer to her as my brother's "girlfriend" or to him as my sister's "boyfriend." Because, "boy-" and "girl-friend" implies a relationship in which people are dating, or are less committed, are younger or whatever. It just doesn't say it right. So when talking about them I have to say, "My bro's girlfriend...well, they've been together 10+ years and live together so..." (people shake their heads in understanding). So, "boyfriend/girlfriend" is out.

What about "significant other." This term in the English language in western American culture best describes the situation. But the problem is it takes so much effort to say. I mean come on, it's 6 entire syllables that don't flow smoothly off the tounge. And, I just don't like it very much. It's dry, bland, almost academic in nature. It conveys no feeling or care whatsoever. In the world of words, it's as tasteful as a rice cake.

Partner: some people would refer to them as a "partner," or "life-partner." And this one isn't bad. Except, at least where I come from, many people associate "partner" with same-sex relationships. If you say casually, my uncle Carl's partner..." most people will simply assume uncle Carl is gay. So, if you use partner, you always have to qualify it, which takes more time and effort and interrupts whatever story you may be telling.

A quick Google search shows people suggesting phrases such as common-law marriage, cohabitating, defacto relationship, domestic partners, roommates with advantages, and one even suggested that we call these non-married couples, "happy." But none of these suggestions work for me.

So, back to the title of this blog: We need a new word. I'd like to be able to smoothly tell about my sister or brother and describe their person-with-whose-life-they-are-conjoined-yet-legally-unmarried using a word that is accurate and rolls smothly off the tounge.

Here's what I've got so far. On my own, I came up with the mildly creative term, "not-husband/not-wife." I've recieved some good reviews and chuckles on this one, and people seem to instantly know what I mean. But, simply adding the negation (e.g. "not") in front of husband/wife kind of implies that something is lacking, incomplete, wrong. It almost implies that they should be married or something, and I don't want to should on anybody. So, this one is, at best, close, but not a winner. Perhaps we should consider "unwife/unhusband." This would remove the negative connotation that something is lacking and replace with the suggestions that something (i.e. the marriage) simply isn't there.

From my brother's witty un-wife, I heard the term "outlaw." For instance, she might refer to us by saying to a friend, "I'm going to spend the weekend with my outlaws." I like this phrase, and I think it has potential to maybe catch on; however, currently it's a little clunky in the singular. For instance, it would take a little getting used to to say, "My brother-outlaw is really good at poker."

That's it. I have no other options. That's why I think we need a new word for this kind of relationship. I think that "partner" has the best chance at filling this void, but we'll have to wait and see what our culture does with the connotation currently attached to it.

So, I'm looking for suggestions. What have you heard in your circles? What rolls smoothly off the tongue for you? We need new words!! I want to hear your suggestions.