We Need A New Word!

Please help. Both my brother and my sister have, respectively, a girlfriend and a boyfriend with whom they live. And I don't know what to call them!

My sister lives in Raleigh with her boyfriend who is totally chill, go-with-the-flow, witty and is someone to whom I look up in the field of bad puns. I love them both and have spent many of my favorite family nights around a game table at their house or on the couch playing Wii. If my sister ever did anything to jeapordize their relationship, I'd be upset with her and miss him with a pouty stuck out lower lip.

My brother lives in Chicago with his brainy, dry-sense-of-humor and awesome girlfriend. She is working on her Ph. D. in something about which, I know nothing. I love them both and miss hanging out together as we did when we all lived in the same town. In fact, if my brother ever did something to jeapordize his relationship with her, I'd head slap him a good one. Actually, there was once some form of proposal and an exchange of an engagement ring between them. But, that was a number of years ago, and as far as I know there are no active plans in the works to get hitched. So, I could call her my brother's fiancee, but that kind of conveys a message that doesn't fit.

I think of both my brother's and my sister's significant others as family, siblings-in-law, just as much as if there was a signed marriage contract registered with the state. The fact that there is no such document between either couple doesn't matter to me at all. As far as I'm concerned, my bro and sis are in committed relationships each with someone who cares deeply for them and treats them well.

Here's my problem. In casual conversation, I get caught up when describing my family and referring to these people. It doesn't do it justice to refer to her as my brother's "girlfriend" or to him as my sister's "boyfriend." Because, "boy-" and "girl-friend" implies a relationship in which people are dating, or are less committed, are younger or whatever. It just doesn't say it right. So when talking about them I have to say, "My bro's girlfriend...well, they've been together 10+ years and live together so..." (people shake their heads in understanding). So, "boyfriend/girlfriend" is out.

What about "significant other." This term in the English language in western American culture best describes the situation. But the problem is it takes so much effort to say. I mean come on, it's 6 entire syllables that don't flow smoothly off the tounge. And, I just don't like it very much. It's dry, bland, almost academic in nature. It conveys no feeling or care whatsoever. In the world of words, it's as tasteful as a rice cake.

Partner: some people would refer to them as a "partner," or "life-partner." And this one isn't bad. Except, at least where I come from, many people associate "partner" with same-sex relationships. If you say casually, my uncle Carl's partner..." most people will simply assume uncle Carl is gay. So, if you use partner, you always have to qualify it, which takes more time and effort and interrupts whatever story you may be telling.

A quick Google search shows people suggesting phrases such as common-law marriage, cohabitating, defacto relationship, domestic partners, roommates with advantages, and one even suggested that we call these non-married couples, "happy." But none of these suggestions work for me.

So, back to the title of this blog: We need a new word. I'd like to be able to smoothly tell about my sister or brother and describe their person-with-whose-life-they-are-conjoined-yet-legally-unmarried using a word that is accurate and rolls smothly off the tounge.

Here's what I've got so far. On my own, I came up with the mildly creative term, "not-husband/not-wife." I've recieved some good reviews and chuckles on this one, and people seem to instantly know what I mean. But, simply adding the negation (e.g. "not") in front of husband/wife kind of implies that something is lacking, incomplete, wrong. It almost implies that they should be married or something, and I don't want to should on anybody. So, this one is, at best, close, but not a winner. Perhaps we should consider "unwife/unhusband." This would remove the negative connotation that something is lacking and replace with the suggestions that something (i.e. the marriage) simply isn't there.

From my brother's witty un-wife, I heard the term "outlaw." For instance, she might refer to us by saying to a friend, "I'm going to spend the weekend with my outlaws." I like this phrase, and I think it has potential to maybe catch on; however, currently it's a little clunky in the singular. For instance, it would take a little getting used to to say, "My brother-outlaw is really good at poker."

That's it. I have no other options. That's why I think we need a new word for this kind of relationship. I think that "partner" has the best chance at filling this void, but we'll have to wait and see what our culture does with the connotation currently attached to it.

So, I'm looking for suggestions. What have you heard in your circles? What rolls smoothly off the tongue for you? We need new words!! I want to hear your suggestions.