Half Way

Last week we residents hit a mile marker of sorts in our program. On 12/15 we officially began the 2nd half, the back nine, we're over the fence,the other side of the coin, the third quarter of our residency program.


That means in 6 months I will be eligable to get a full time job as a chaplain if I so desire. It also means that in 6 months I will be out of job! It means that of what I planned on learning this year, I better have learned half of it by now or else I'd better get crackin'.


As a quick recap, here are some of the things I've done, accomplished or experienced in half a year.


I have had approximately 1,330 encounters with patients, family members, staff or people in the hospital.

I have attended over 60 deaths. I've also been to about 60 traumas. Some of them wound up in death.

I have seen many--many--tears shed by mourning loved ones. I have shed more of my own tears these months than in the previous 6 years, or 12 years. Honestly, I haven't cried this much since I'm a baby.

I have grown very close very quickly to my other fellow residents, and I cherrish our relationships as some of the most formative in my life.

I have learned...oh how I've learned.

I have blogged bunches, and apparantly some of them make my big sissy cry...which I love.

I have read more books in this period than any other similar sized stretch of time. Most of them have been reviewed on this blog, but a few are still to come.

I learned better to read the "living human documents" that we all are. I've learned to see God in your eyes.

Compassion for others has grown in me like wild lillies--fast, tall and beautiful. I've learned that in some ways we are all the same.

I've learned God is usually bigger than we give God credit for.


I've seen an unmeasurable amount of suffering and been challenged to wrestle and reconcile with the presence of suffereing in the world. At the moment, I've concluded that God truly is present in suffering but usually only inasmuch as I am or you are present with those who suffer.


I've learned to do therapy on myself and have become much more reflective. I've also learned that virtually everyone can benefit from therapy, and those who think they don't need it usually need it most.


Whatever CPE is, it has been very healthy for me and my growth. It may not make sense to CPE outsiders, but here's a quote with which to end this post that is basically CPE in a nutshell.

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us." –Herman Hesse