The End

Well folks, I'm done. Last year on June 15th I began a year long CPE residency as a hospital chaplain at Spartanburg Regional Hospital. Here on June 11th 2010 I leave the hospital for the last time as an employee. The End.

It's been a long year, a short year, and eventful year, a tough year, a year full of learning and new experiences. I dare say, this year has shaped the kind of person I am, the kind of life I will lead. I've been challenged in ways I didn't even see coming, and I've learned things I didn't know I needed to know. And best of all, I've gotten a lot, I mean a lot, of good blog posts from this experience.

And that's what CPE is: an experience. The strange part is, many of you out there still don't know what CPE is. And I still can't explain it; but, I can tell you some of the things I've done this year and how many times I've done them.

I was on call 60 times. That's two months sleeping away from home. I made ~2,600 total visits this year. Approx. 120 were deaths, 107 were traumas. I helped about 30 folks with advanced directives.

I sat with people sad people, counseled with grieving people and spent time with countless people on the worst days of their lives. How could anyone enjoy this work? I don't know, but I love it.

This year I have learned about my inner-self and found God in that deep sometimes dark place within me. I've learned to manage my own feelings/emotions so that I can better serve others to deal with their own. This part of the training is priceless. I've wrestled with my own inner-deamons and learned how my family of origin impacts me everyday.

I have read 19 books, written countless weekly self-reflection papers, 20 virbatim accounts, 106 blog posts, sat under 5 greuling committees evaluating me, cried a lot, authored over 60 pages of theology with my sister, read article after article on topics ranging from ethnic diversity to theological reflection to dream interpretation to how people respond pschologically during crisis just to name a few.

I've bonded with Vicki, who taught me that my voice is valuable. She showed me how to honor other people listening and listening well. Her inner drive to get things done is inspiring, and she is an example of trustworthiness. She honored our relationship enough to tell me she was angry with me, and I thank her for her constant gift of resoucefullness.

I've gained a new friend in Erin who puts a smile on your face whether you want one or not. She's gregariously interested in how everyone's doing and fights off dullness with wit. Her sarcasm always brought the gift of laughter and her pastoral nature cared for our group like she cares for her family.

I've learned so much from Cathie, a steady and reserved motherly reservior of life experience encased in a strong regality who sets goals and hits them. Her inner confidence is something I will strive for, and no better teacher of compassion can be found.

All good things come to an end, they say, and so it must be with this residency. After saying many goodbyes and doing some decompressing therapy, my learning and growth for this year will end with a sense of finality. I am a healthier, more whole person because of this program. Every minister should have at least one unit of CPE (I've now done 5). I think the best thing I can do to honor the growth from this year is to keep growing and keep learning. I will use what I've learned as a spring board of opportunity to continue doing inner work, theological reflection and spiritual integration.

Thank you Robin, Carson and Lizzie (dept. staff) for showing me love in times of self-hate, grace after my bumbles and for showing me what kind of growth is possible. By offering me love, by offering me yourselves, you have offered me God.

(Here are the links to Vicki's final blog and Erin's goodbye blog.)